one of the most striking thing i realise as i tread through my 20s, is my perception of people.
ive started to realise that it's a bit like water flowing down a river. there will be certain things that it will pass by unaffected, but there will be certain things that the water will carry with it along its journey. sometimes, there will be certain things that are so large, it changes the water and its direction.
i am more at ease at accepting that if people dont stick by me, it is completely okay. they make the ones who do stick more apparent, more precious. especially after what happened, i am more cynical of words. i am very cautious about who i let into my lives. my acquaintances are many, but my real friends are but a few handful. my emotion quotient is exhaustible, so it might as well be for those who really deserve it. it may be defensive, but if someone's a friend, he/she wont judge me on that. in fact, they just dont judge ever.
you think it's gone, and then it hits u from behind.
without a warning.
does that happen to you too?
are you also not able to listen to al green?
or look at cornmeal?
do you avoid otters and owls?
how about skyrim, do you still "kill him"?
all the senseless questions.
where do they come from?
ive been watching the show Appa Odiga. i absolutely love the idea of going to natural places with your family. as a kid, i wouldnt really remember the fancy vacations that i had. i wouldnt remember how many stars a hotel that i stayed at. but i do cherish the little memories like spending time at my grandpas orchard, collecting durians at 3 am, getting mangosteens and langsat from the trees, climbing up rambutan trees, being fascinated with bugs and squirrels. i grew up as a city girl, but because i was very close to my grandparents, i was lucky to have a good share of experience with nature. the happiness that one can derive from such is really incomparable.
this is a list of things that i would like my family someday to experience with me:
2) growing up own vegies/ animals
3) camping at mudflats and harvesting own food to cook
i have a lot of bad habits and lil things about me that i don't like. but what i do actually like about myself is my non-judgemental nature and openness at trying out something new. i spent a lot of my formative years (when i was 13 to 17) in a boarding school. to those foreign to the concept of boarding schools, it is a common system in malaysia where some students are offered to go to a secondary school and sort of live there away from their families. i think it may have been taken from the old British system since we were under the British colony at some point, but that's just my theory. now no children want to be away from their families at that point, but it is somewhat an honour to be given such offers annnnnndd it's supposed to be better for our future grades.
back to my experience in boarding school. i was always somewhat easygoing so even though i wasn't Miss Popular, i think i got along fine with people. naturally, being around a bunch of teenagers with different stages of hormonal peaks, it can be a harsh place. teens tend to gang up and can sometimes be mean. i was always the bystander who watched from the sidelines confused as people would hate on this or that person for the smallest things possible- the way she walks/ talks/ writes/ chews/ etc. lol. i remembered wishing that if people would just give each other a chance to understand or explore the other person's unique interest, their lives would probably be less miserable...
anyway, at present, in the boredom that ensued while i'm recovering, i've been trying out my hands at dota. it is such a boy game, i know haha. but the non-girly part of me relates to the idea of an other world. and im enjoying it so far although boy do i suck. lol. so yeah hey, the next time you think something is odd/ foreign (does NOT apply to drugs), give it a go. it's nice to surprise urself sometimes. and u might like it. who knows?
my best so far (im femmefatale). not bad for a girl ey? ;)